Mr.Vance

Weekend away in Auburn, leaving in an hour, cant wait.

So ive come to realize that i have lost the closest person ive ever had in my life.  Not like just that friend that you can tell anything to but that person that you want to be there forever. Im talking more then a bestfriend though, she was my first true love, my everything, kept me motivated everyday like no one before, from that kiss in the morning leaving for work to not being able to wait to see that smile when i got home and could see her. she was on my mind every second of the day and i took it for granted. i dont think i ever really stopped to show her how much i cared and i wish i did. in the middle of our relationship i signed up for the navy and ya we talked about it and she did not mind. she even talked about when i got station wanting to even to try for a job on or near base. i thought that was the most amazing thing on her part to want to do that with me but the day came that this stupid idea came into my head that i wasd basicly asking her to do something she didnt want to do. i tried to push it off cause i know she really did want to be there for me. That thought became a virus though, it grew and grew in my head til its all i could think about. its at that point that we seperated, instead of me telling her how i felt. when we seperated we talked bout staying close and i wish it happened but we have fallen apart and it really kills me inside cause she makes me so happy, even now that we dont talk much let alone see eachother, she still puts  a smile on my face but its not the same, the first girl i truely loved and now i leave for the navy in two months and i feel empty. i dont usually post stuff like this but its eating me inside and i have no one to say it to. typing it has felt like all i can do because i needed it off my chest to focus on my studies before basic. i just hope that maybe one day i can find that girl that can even remote compare to her.